You're Not Happy Because You Don't Really Want To Be
By Leo Gura - July 18, 2016 | 83 Comments
How your twisted mind is tricking you out of happiness.
I look forward to watching your videos on a weekly basis but this one I could not finish for one reason. Your example of a human being happy while the daughter is being raped or tortured is off the mark. We don’t bully ourselves to react if that happens. We instinctively react because we want to protect her and hurt the person that caused her harm. No one is happy in that situation and no one should be. Human suffering should not bring joy. Someone else’s pain is to be empathized because within that moment we are in touch with our own humanity and that can propel the desire to change the situation. My daughter being raped will have an affect on my demeanor because I don’t rejoice in her pain. To a certain degree we are in control of our emotions, but another area of the brain is activated when we witness a loved one being tortured. That part does not produce happiness for the people I know.
Lynn, you suck the sweet nectar of Leo’s labor and genius. Then, when his made-up, worse-case-scenario gives you heebes, you shut him down, and use that same time to write him a “What for” letter??
If you would have kept watching you would have, probably, been appeased by his additional remarks by the end.
Oh the frustration Leo must feel sometimes!?
You don’t deserve nice things! LOL! Just kidding, you do!
All the Best to you Lynn!
You may be confusing happiness and joy. He didn’t meant that you should ENJOY suffering, he meant that even in the worst case scenario, your inner peace shouldn’t die (inner peace = happiness). Of course you’d be furious if someone raped your child, and you’d feel destroyed for a moment. But your inner happiness should easily come up again and prevent you from losing your mind. I repeat, it doesn’t mean to enjoy suffering. It’s about coping with it, not letting it control your whole life. Just give that horrible case the importance it deserves, but not more than that.
The insights of clarity in my mind are small but are growing. With more work they will connect and become a fuller picture.
It’s great to be on this journey with you.
Im a bit lost if i let go of wanting it i will just sit there …
and may never have drive to go after it
if i do let go how long will it take to kick bavck in ?
Hi Leo,
I appreciate your ability to verbalize clearly many things that our tricky minds concoct . This one made me laugh out loud when reading the title alone.
Thank you for speaking the inner truth ,
Tanya
After a year now of watching your videos and seeking out a deeper understanding of myself ( still seeking , but enjoying the journey ) there is something I have struggled with, which is how to better communicate my own thoughts & feelings, any advice would be helpful.
Tanya
hi leo,
how can you be happy if there is no unhappiness? do they not exist only in relation to each other? if not, what is your definition of happiness?
happiness is a condition, so how can it be unconditional?
hey leo you build up to a climax a few pearls of wisdom over and over and over again , only to scold your viewers leaving some of us with to little to be enthused about your rants , perhaps its time for a more positive tact my humble opinion ….good speed leo
This whole concept makes perfect sense on a personal psychological as well as a logical level. Of course why wouldn’t I want to be happy consistently all the time. That’s perfection! But is that possible? Is it possible to be happy when my family is being burned alive in front of me? I it possible to be happy when there is absolute dystopia and anarchy in the world? Is it possible to be happy no matter how dark a case?
The structure of the society and it’s working are constructed as such that existing and surviving in it are inevitably going to cause us suffering. To be in the regular scheme of things, we have to suffer. And to not do that and yet function in the construct of the world would require a sleep of reason. Misery and pain are as attached to living as the our very existence.
What you are suggesting is a completely different model than the one we have come to live in. It’s utopian.
And not functional, at least in our given case.
For very very painful situations, when being happy seems unmanegeable, could we think of ‘accepting ‘ , saying welcome to that situation instead?
Raffaella
I have a problem with the word happy as it’s nature is so transient and conditional that l don’t really trust it. The motivational force for me is peace. When l have that peace all is well. Is that what you mean?
Great video once again. One thing I’ve noticed (and it’s not just an act), Leo you have an enormous ego. You project an all knowing image when we all know better. You said your audience is mostly people that are lost and need a slap in the face. Lol, look in the mirror. You would have us believe that your approach is intentional, to get to us, and motivate us. I call bullshit. You’re just as lost or you wouldn’t keep searching for enlightenment. Once you’ve found the truth of oneness-you will see that a lot of your projections are just as counterproductive. But, thank you. You are innocent and work very hard.
Hey Leo, what’s up?
So this period of loss and confusion I am going through lately will sub-side then over time?
I am 19 and recently I gave up my whole appartement and all my furniture and possesions I gave away to charity.
So that I could go and live in a tent in the woods, best decision I have ever made, I love this new nauture Life-style.
My family does’nt understand and are always negative and always guilt me so I decided to stop talking to them altogether.
I have meditated every day for a month now.
Why am I not happy though? hmm, curious.
I mean somtimes I am but there’s fears, anxiety, loneliness ect ect too..perhaps, I am just underdeveloped.
I am trying to discover what it is I really want now and I am getting closer to true desires, but why do I feel empty? somtimes I feel like I am going crazy or feel guilty for leaving my family. But that life was SHIT, that appartement was a prison to me and being around my family meant I couldn’t grow the way I wanted to as they are too neurotic so I it was the right choice?
Leo? would you be happy with my life? I am just curious, living in a tent in the Woods?
Thank you kindly!, Mr. G
other useful things:a sketch pad, a musical instruments drum sticks, flute, guitar etc. (voice works as well) journal, cookbook, night sky, wildlife, whittling & throwing knife, cold bathing (clears ur mind & body of BS fast), dance, Tai chi, a kite…u have a body to be mindful of. take breaks (helps long term memory)
Marathon Monks, hard over meditation, See Leo’s Video
Bravo n the gods speed
scotty
Leo, I can’t allow myself to feel happiness all I know about is pleasure, it seems impossible to feel happiness I am sure its because of all the rules I’ve imposed but what do I do? Meditation is also not giving me happiness,infact I’m going unconscious in my meditation sessions now a days I don’t even know what is happiness and don’t even remember when I last felt it.I tried being non needy for it was one of the golden nuggets to attract girls more than 15 months ago but that was just an illusion I was needy and still I’m needy maybe not for girls but for success and other things i just cannot let go of unconditional unhappiness.
Is awareness of unhappiness alone curitive? But I should atleast be able to let go and welcome happiness for 1 minute? Why can’t I do that too? Just 1 minute?
This video was deep. Foundational.
Excellent, most enjoyable
This video is super advanced and it is out of my awareness. It really made me sad for one day and drilled into my emotions. As the radical open mindedness suggest, it will be neither accepted nor denied. The issue I am dealing with is the contradiction between this video and many other videos that insist on the non-existence of the ego and such videos as “How to love yourself” or “Affirmations” which insist on confirming and accepting the ego. It gives you the feeling that the exercises in the later videos (Let say: “Talking about the lower self”) are exactly in the opposite direction of the first videos (Let say: “Talking about the higher self”). Is it the matter of low-level psyche to deal with the contradiction? Or maybe is it the matter of low-awareness? How these exercises should be prioritized or make some strategy about them?
Many thanks for your super, outstanding videos!
Leo a most honest question. Is it my ego that would lead me to want to do something right? For example. I work in an environment where the ADDIE design model is used. Of course this model is a basic creative design model-similar to the many problem solving or creative models. It is absolute truth and as an intelligent/enlightened (using that term loosely) person, I know there is a right way to use the creative model. To insert human will, versus trusting the creative process to reveal truth is to corrupt the process and expose the human ego’s lack of surrender to the process.
My problem is, I know the truth. And I’m around zombies. I see the process as divine. But everyone else doesn’t.
My question is this. As I become emotionally involved, and deeply want others to trust the process, I find myself suffering. I can’t make people see the truth but my vocation requires it. Do I go with the flow or stand up for the truth?
Hi Leo,
Please tell me, how would you act or resolve the following situation:
Two men (45-48 yo) who have known each other since childhood. Man X is even godfather of man Y’s son. So they get involved into politics and eventually man Y betrays X. Let’s say another political party buys Y. You are X so how would you treat Y when Y is even a neighbour of yours. Few suggestions you can perhaps humiliate him or simply ignore him BTW Y has lost his reputation because everyone knows what he has done.
That’s a real story. Y is not a stupid person in fact he is well-educated but struggles financially. So this is a moral dilemma would you betray a friend and get some cash or stick to tour friend?
Y has betrayed you and he has sold himself to the opposing party. So you would forgive him ? In addition he has spoken behind your back and said bad things and lies about you to others. Well obviously Y values money more than your friendship so why would you give him a second chance ? A friend but turned out to be a toxic person. In this case you value your friend more than you value yourself because you put him before your principles.
Politics and even business can test friendships.
So would you ignore him, talk to him, ask him to apologise pr kick his A–?
Thanks
Great video Leo. I think its more enquirey for me as I have some strange spiritual ideas like I cant be happy if I dont meditate enough or pray enough. Thanks for the pointers
you see people who have gone through unimaginable challenges in life, they faced the hell and somehow reached the wisdom of letting it be. they just gave up or got tired of it and stopped fight it. Always wondered how these people can be happy after all the trauma they went through, now I think I have the answer. I thought they just lowered their standards,gave up, but it’s not resignation, it really is happiness. It’s so damn hard to accept things as they are. What screws you up is not life, but the picture in your head of how it’s supposed to be. This is so hard to wrap your head around, since we live in our heads, not in reality.
Great video Leo every time when I first listen to your videos like this one I get a clear picture of what you saying and immediately start implementing that and for a few days it feels nice but after a week or so that seems to fade away this happened with the how to meditate video when I first watched I started meditating that day but after a few months I no longer enjoy meditating it hard?
Hi Leo,
Thank you for the great work you’re doing!
Bye,
Lisa
So profound
Hey Leo, I just wanna ask you for an advice and sorry if I exude from the topic. I want to make my sister enter in my world namely the world of personal development of all of us fellas here My intention is to introduce her from the life’s purpose side of the coin, so not from the enlightenment. I thought of giving her your Life’s Purpose Course of course but she has loaaaads of resistance you know so I would like something a little bit more slow for now. So my idea was just to give her a book and then let consciousness do the rest of the work So Leo what’s the best Life’s Purpose book in your opinion I could give her? She just graduated and she is starting now looking for work, unfortunately unconsciously. I’m pretty sure it’s the right time now for her to start making some real decisions in her life. Thank you!
this is an amazing video. it’s really interesting what your trying to do for people.pretty freaking amazing stuff your talking about.incredibly helpful.
it’s really cool of you to do what you do-regardless of all the resistance you probably get from “us”.
Hi Leo-
Love this video! I think I have watched/listened to most of your videos for the last 6 months-8 months. I have made some serious life changes that have been awesome! Thank you for the inspiration. Your videos have helped me be a creator of my own life and not a victim. Quick question on your enlightenment self inquiry video. Please excuse my poor wording but see if you can get the essence of my question. Do you think in our vast field of nothingness of self awareness that is eternal when we die physically we are still self aware?
Thanks in advance-
Hello Leo Gura
I listen to your videos each week and I feel so grateful to receive this incredible knowlege, all for free.
You inspire me amazingly
And i love your dynamic energy and love to hear you tell us how fucken stupid and ignorante we are.
It’a a real wake up call.
This stuff might work for a male, because this is how he reacts. The female’s reflection would be different – she needs to be unhappy in order to survive.”there is truth, and there is statistics”
here is where my thoughts have led to over the past few days after a new technique I have tried. If you ever see this please reply with any critique of my thought process or technique. First I’ll explain my technique and why I am using it. My technique is relatively simple: I started off by having 2 hours of not using my computer or television and simply absorbing my surroundings either inside or outdoors. Every day I would add an hour and I currently reached 7 hours of alone time. My friends (I have 3) are very clearly neurotic and have gotten frustrated that I don’t play video games with them. I have many doubts that I will remain friends with them by the end of this year however I can’t say I’ll feel too sad about it. My goal was really to embrace being rather than requiring a constant state of doing. I consider myself able to watch the more advanced videos without crumbling, but I am at a critical state in my meditation thought process. I attempted to have an 8 hour routine today, but during my 1 hour meditation period I began thinking about whether or not doing counteracts being and the other way around. At the end my thought process was that being and doing can coexist, and that as long as I don’t cling to either and I continue to meditate that I can break neurosis and reach enlightenment. I began to think about this more and more and I eventually decided that I didn’t have to go without doing all day, an I went back to video games with my friends (although I still doubt they’ll be my friends in the future) I have regrets for this decision and I already am leaving that train of thought, but I want to know your thoughts on my actions, as I haven’t quite wrapped my head around the reason and consequences of my action today.
Completely dug the dentist chair in that way too.. I begin to actualize thankfulness at those times, and others.. Sometimes making a special call just to tell people “thank you”.. But the dentist chair is such a spot on example.. Where else are you completely at the whim of those you trust, sacrificing your physical abilities in the moment for a more true good..
Maybe those that cannot understand the “Happy while Child is raped”, could attempt to view it from the opposite side.. A financially broke, and mostly toothless guy once laughed and told me “no point in worrying over what you can’t change”.. Even tho the lesson was desperate in nature, it may sooth those in the afore example.. If you can’t change the situation, being upset wont help you find opportunity.. You may attain fight or flight, which may save the day.. Or it might get you killed as well..
The presence of mind to be observant (not unhappy) allows more proper diagnosis..
Hey Leo!
Fantastic video!My personal development is currently developing through a stage where i have realised how negatively motivated i was to pursue what i actually pursue. As a result of this realisation i have started to drop activities that i was negatively motivated to do. Strangely, what i thought was my biggest passion in life (self actualisation) seemed to slowly disappear off my radar.
My question is this: during this transition period between negative and positive motivation, am i better off to stumble around feeling aimless (with no negative motivation) or am i better off still doing the activities that i do and just trying to be aware of when i negatively motivate myself. I fear that if i drop all of the negative motivation, that i will fall off the path and not come back
Thanks, and would love to hear from you!
It would be interesting to have you you elaborate on “Keep the faith”.
Hey Leo.
Thx man, i’m so glad that i’ve found you. Nowhere else i could find informations like those that you share. It would take me decades to come to those conclusions by myself.
Keep doing the great work!
this is exactly how I feel. Waooo iaiai . Unbelievable mind trick is keeping you away from happiness….. this is so complex. How could you, Leo found this conclusions?
They sound so logical .
I felt like you were talking personally right about me. waoo . I am amazed.
Incredible
I understand intellectually what you are saying, but some of us are so conditioned by habit that it feels nearly impossible to break out of these patterns which keep us unhappy. How do you bridge the gap between intellectual understanding and actually living and breathing these ideas?
WOW !!! This video is liberating. I feel like a tortoise that has swapped it’s burdensome shell for a pair of wings. My whole life has been one big To Do list – with items being crossed off or carried forward onto a new list. I carried forward one item for 12 long years before finally realising it would never get done and reluctantly crossing it off. Thanks Leo for this wonderfully enlightening perspective on happiness.
Hello Leo
I follow now for just a few month and i am very interested in your work. but i am german i dont really understand evrything you say, maybe 70 – 80 %. so my question is: wouldnt it be great to have undertitle in your video for those who speak not that proper english … thank you for answer
all the best
Leo i just want to ask did you read a book called “Power of Now”by Echkart tolle ? if yes i appreciate if you can share your awesome opinion on it
Hey Leo,
First,I would like to thank you for all of the information you so graciously share.For reasons that are inexplicable to me,this very profound notion,the idea that all is illusion and the deep awarness of this is absolutely key to the experience of “happiness”,a concept that I have been exposed to time and time again throughout my life,never took preeminence untill I stumbled over your videos while killing some time one evening…(“killing time”,now there’s an idea!)
You do not know me…but I consider you to be a very important and beloved friend.
hello Leo . I appreciate all your videos so much . I have learned so much from you in the year I been following you than 35 years by myself , thank you . the reason I am writing you is because I have not gotten any new video ,,last 1 was a moth ago . please do not stop the work you do its life changing . and Thank you Leo Gura .
WOW. This video completely blew my mind. You have a real gift for waking people up! I had no idea how much I”m responsible for my own misery! Dang! Some of your examples might have been a bit unnerving, but they certainly worked as far as getting me to understand the concept! Thanks again for caring enough to tell it like it is!
The part about living in a box is fuckin hilarious, totes nailed it
the part about living in a box is fuckin hilarious, totes nailed it dude
Hey, Leo
I heard about The Power of Now from RSDTyler. I read it and realized I didn’t want any of my job, university master degree and marriage. So I stopped going to work, and since my wife had to be away from me for four months to finish her DDS, and we were already having problems I told her I wanted to divorce her. Also I didn’t go to the university. I just stayed home, watched pickup videos and went out to talk to girls. We do have mandatory military service so I will have to go to the military service anyways. But not going to work, I haven’t payed this month’s rent and some days really struggled with food.
And now I watched your video. You talk about unconditional happiness. I want to be happy without going to work. But when I starve, I think an egoistic life would at bring me food to eat and not having my family, friends and society hate me.
The absolute best and most thought provoking commentary on happiness I have ever heard. For decades I have been following my ‘rules’, not realizing that they were the primary source of my discontent; not only at time present, but during times of reflection where I wondered why I did not go with my heart. Through further reflection I can see now where these rules came from, why they started and most important that it is time for new ones that are mine alone.Thank you.
Your thoughts on Charlie Manson. This guy loved being in a box. What he (charlie) thought others thought…this is a form of cruel punishment, Charlie himself thought this is where the fun starts.
I’ve watched alot of his interviews and parole hearings and its always “blown” my mind with his views and paradoxical logic.
Thank you Leo for all your videos. Alot of great stuff that I am using daily in my journey.
God bless.
Steve