How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions
By Leo Gura - November 23, 2015 | 76 Comments
The mastery key to conquering any negative emotion.
shahan says: thank you Leo, wow!!! I was thinking of strong emotions and then your email came…wow!!!.
Donphartin Yurspertzsuit says: Oh wow dude like WOW! It’s like a Martian was on Venus and got a message like and wow got back to Mars to the super computer and sent it like wow straight to you. Cool diddy cool boom boom man!
Nate says: I was sceptical when I first saw this video, but after watching it and practicing the technique mentioned I feel lighter. This actually surprised me how I instantly could notice it working. Leo, it was like you were able to read my mind cuz I have a lot of hurt that I was burying & avoiding. I won’t make that mistake again. Thanks.
Nuno says: I Leo! I love your videos, thank you! Can you make a video about how do you see the reality? how do you see life? what’s conscience? what’s your model of reality?
Leo, thank you very much My man!! I made a great misstake last week. That cost me a great job just because i was greedy! And it jury’s because i have no job now! Had a terrible weekend, but your guidance Will help me true!! Thank you again For your Knowledge and wisdom!! Looking forward 4 your next video!!
You are the super motivator best ever!! We all have 2 thank you 4 That! Much love from the netherlands!! When do you get here?
GZ says: Great video Leo. What I have come to realize watching your videos over time is that life is really about expanding yourself, how much abundances (both good and bad) you allow yourself to have. Same with emotions. You simply allow yourself to be bigger than whatever that is in front of you. It is amazing how simple it is but it does require practice over time.
Galyna says: Leo,
How to master emotions the way to let them be, but not hurting or shock other people? I am very extroverted and emotional person, I need to let my emotions go to clean up my intimate inner space but sometimes it looks like I am being rude.
Thank you,
Galyna.
Thanks for another piece of the ongoing puzzle. . Your work is amazing and inspirational… I know you are keeping many of us growing…or at least me… always enjoy get this info and your site… thanks Leo… all the best..todd…
Sam says: Thanks Leo for great video!
I’ve noticed too that life is so much lighter and I feel much happier after being more vulnerable and getting in touch with my emotions. I’ve also noticed that it has boosted my confidence and made me more attractive to women. You’ve probably read Mark Manson’s book Models?
Richie says: Helpful. Thanks, Leo!
Sue 
Hey, Leo!
Thanks for sharing so much good stuff!! I watched this new video and i wanted to ask you.. Do you think that we learn how to do that and somehow we get used to it, and then we kind want to “relax” and it’s when seems that we go backwards?
Do you think that is a spiral of learning and practicing this and time to time it may seem that we forgot, but is just another level of learning?
Sorry my english (i am brazilian) and if i was not very clear. It is a subtle for me for explain.
i would love to hear about it from you!
Thank you very much!
Dora says: Dear Leo,
Thank you so much!!!! I have been practicing surrender and your explanation here in this video is genial!!!!!!
Just another powerful peace for the puzzle!!! Oh,Leo I am so happy that I found you!!!!! I was looking for a definition of karma and that was how I found you!!!
Your video arrived at the perfect time!!!!! And thank you for your finals words!!!
Also I just bought that audiobook!!! A new author to my list!!!! Thanks to YOU!!!!
I feel so light!!!! After practicing the exercise!!!! Leo, I am in deep gratitude with you!!!! My life is expanding!!! I am feeling invencible!!!!
Yeahhhh!!!! Thank you!!!!!!
Dora
Dora says: This my list, of treasures that I have been practicing and you have mentioned almos in your magnificent talk!!! Also Leo, I love that you are simple and go directly to the point!!!!!
Surrender (letting go)
Being present in the NOW
Being vulnerable
Mindfulness
Self compassion
Leo the next is the definition of surrender and that have change my life completely!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! It is a pleasure to meet you!!!!
“Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it. It means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it. The first step is to allow yourself to have the feeling without resisting it, venting it, fearing it, condemning it, or moralizing about it. It means to drop judgment and to see that it is just a feeling. The technique is to be with the feeling and surrender all efforts to modify it in any way. Let go of wanting to resist the feeling. It is resistance that keeps the feeling going. When you give up resisting or trying to modify the feeling, it will shift to the next feeling and be accompanied by a lighter sensation. A feeling that is not resisted will disappear as the energy behind it dissipates”
Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender
Hengame says: Great Leo, very helpful video this is what I need inderd, Not only one but i was going to listen more till all your words go Deep in me. Thank you so much for your help, not so many people do free as you do, i am thankfull for that for your efforts to help people who need such advice. Thanks again warm greeting from germany
Where is the limit between fully experience our ‘bad’ emotions, let them pass by and the need or urge or will to do something to change things that are going very bad,objectively.
For instance, the ecological issues are very dear to me and cause me much worry and sadness. Shall I do nothing against it, just because I am judging them, where I shouldn’t? Shall I not vote for those political parties that try to protect the environment?
How can we act for a community and not judge anyone anything?
Raffaella
Leo Gura says: Make a distinction between FEELING and ACTION. I said nothing against taking action. Action will often be necessary. But first must come feeling and acceptance. All we’re concerned about here is that you first FEEL and ACCEPT what is. Then, if you consciously decide to, you can take action towards whatever direction seem most appropriate.
Sweety Temple says: Exactly!!!
Thank you Leo for your Vision and for sharing it. It is a privilege watching and hearing you! God Bless you! Thank you so much!
T says: I so appreciate you Leo
Kevin Laframboise says: I’ve watched this video three times now just to soak it all in. This sounds very similar to another guy on YouTube named Burt Harding. He Has a video called “The secret of letting go.”
Being a geek, I can really relate to the super conductor metaphor. If we resist, we create heat/tension/sadness. Really works for me. That is going to be my new mantra. Thanks!
Liz says: This video couldn’t have come at a better time of me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. You are changing the world one person at a time. Thank you for the inspiration to learn more, give more and become more.
Joe Massouda says: Hey Leo, Watched most of your videos and as usual, nice work & thanks. Like button was pushed.
Just a comment: My negative emotional spells are mostly generalized…there is usually no single attacker like betrayal, or loss…rather seems like it takes the form of a mild generalized depression, or a non-specific sadness. .. usually triggered by a trivial setback or a negative stimulus that is out of my circle of influence….I am 59 years old and still need to grow the fuck up. Will practice just sitting there and super-conducting. Thx Joe M.
Leo Gura says: It seems generalized because your mindfulness skill is currently insufficient to resolve the specific causes. That’s what unconsciousness is. It’s like looking at a fine painting without your glasses. It just looks like a giant blur of colors, but if you put your glasses on and take out your magnifying glass, you can see each individual brushstroke that comprises the painting. You can be sure the brushstrokes are there.
Andreea says: Amazing Leo, as always!Thank you so much, you change my life everyday.
I respect you a lot.
Parker says: I love your videos! they bring great inspiration for people. I really appreciate your hard work and research! Keep up the good work.
Arnie says: Hey Leo
I’ve got a question about personal development in general, that confuses me over and over again. Generally speaking, it goes like this: How many or what kind of experiences do you have to make by yourself and how much can you rely on experiences of other, higher developed persons?
A great example is that of happiness. As you grow, you notice that things you thought would make you happy, actually don’t make you happy or at least not with that intensity or quality you imagined. The problem now is that you can listen to higher developed persons, who have already gone through the stages that you are at currently, and follow their advice not to chase after that thing you think that make you happy, because they know from their own experience, it won’t make you happy. But I think, this person eventually will doubt at some point, whether it’s true that this thing really does’t make him or her happy, because he or she didn’t experienced it by themselves.
As an example, take sex and enlightment. How can someone who’s a virgin seriously have that wide perspective to authenticly be convinced to forget about sex and pursue enlightment? I can imagine he would soon be very frustrated and doubt his decision. ( funnily enough that’s the decision I have to make in my life at this time ; D )
It’s like you climb up a ladder ( or maslov pyramide ) and you try to skip some rungs – that would make you very unstable and unbalanced.
Have you any suggestions or own experiences concerning this question?
Greetings from Germany
Arnie
Audra says: Arnie,
I am no master of enlightenment, but I think what you have to understand about sex versus enlightenment is that sex is only good for the moment. Enlightenment fills a person, mentally you become more real to yourself and can feel valuable. Sex is not bad, it is great fun, but it is climactic and will end shortly after it begins, and no amount of sex can fulfill you like knowledge and the journey/experiences of becoming true to yourself and surrounding yourself with others to talk and divulge into deep conversation about knowledge. I may sound like a fool, because I am not professional at this, just my opinion. I hope that you find what you are looking for.
Best wishes!
Audra
Leo Gura says: Lessons learned through first-hand experience and painful trail-and-error are 100x more potent than those learned from reading or listening to others.
Personal development is a contact sport. You gotta get your face in the mud.
You should really be doing both: taking in expert information + experimenting with things yourself.
As for sex vs enlightenment. This is a false choice. You want both. Sex can even be used to attain enlightenment. Having just returned from a week-long vacation full of hot sex, I can’t recommend it highly enough You’re not going to be psychologically healthy if you ignore sex, unless you cut your balls off.
Arnie says: Wow, thanks for your respond. Interestingly, your answer is almost identical to the one I came up with by myself. I think I fell for a common psychological weakness: That you don’t believe yourself until some person with authority confirms what you thought of…
Dora says: Question:
In an intense moment of confusion (mix of feelings of guilt, sadness etc) and in trying to let it go and practice the technique that you explained without judment but with the inevitable need for crying … The technique will lost its power if we cry?
Thanks
Fre says: Hi Dora,
I read your post and I felt the urge to give you an answer from my own perspective. I’ve had the same reaction over a strong emotion. And I dealt with the tears exactly as the emotion itself. It’s tears, that’s what is it, no good, no bad, just a physical reaction on the emotion itself, just accept and tears will develop or disappear just the same as the emotion itself.
I wish you all the best. Warm regards. FD
Dora says: Thank you so much Fre!!! I appreciate your message!!!!
Wishing you the best too!!!
With gratitude,
Dora
Leo Gura says: Let the tears come. Notice that you’re resisting crying and labeling it as “bad” or “wrong” in some fashion. Crying isn’t any more or less wrong than smiling.
Rebeka says: Thanks Leo it is helpful
Bryon says: wise insights
I am skeptical because i have tried “letting it all out” self help and concluded it is in part a self limiting belief. The way you put it is clearer.
Part of my processing is questioning my ego’s self protection. So i will try again.
Thank’s for keapin it real
Marie says: Leo, your video comes at the right moment. World is landing up in chaos. Many people here in Europe (Germany) are living in resistance. In resistance with the whole situation and towards the ‘system’. Your technique is perfect for every situation (personal, worldly……). Manipulations are going on and it is very diffucult to select out right or wrong. All humans over the world have to work on inner world first to change outer world!!! Thank you so much, Leo,
Greetings,
Marie
Hengame says: Merci Leo, great video this is the 3rd time everytime i find something more and more. Thank you 1000times for your efforts and help us. Warm greeting from Germany
George says: Thanks for another great video man!
Would you mind doing one on sleep maybe? I’m really struggling with that atm and you’re insights on that would be really valuable.
Eelco says: When I saw the title I guessed you would talk about The Sedona Method, a method you mentioned in one of your earlier videos. Is this method you mention now better/different/more specific/ easier? Please share your opinion.
Leo Gura says: It’s certainly different. Not better, just one of many methods.
I think it’s more general and basic than Sedona. It seems more natural and easier because there really isn’t a method. You just feel. Can’t get much more basic than that. There is nothing to memorize. You just feel fully.
Eelco says: By coincidence I read this phrase from Wallace D. Wattles: “Do not resist pain; recognize that it is a good thing. Pain is caused by an effort to the Principle of Health to overcome some unnatural condition; this you must know and feel. When you have a pain, think that a process of healing is going on in the affected part, and mentally assist and cooperate with it.”
tom says: Hey Leo, long time/first time. Very effective video; really fascinating.
constance says: Hey Leo,
Really wanted to thank you, I started watching your videos about a year ago, at this time I was in a really bad place in my life and when I look back and realize how much I’ve grown since then I can’t imagine going back to my old ways. Your awesome videos and good advice helped me a lot to get here, many thanks!
octavia smith says: thank you leo,
you just changed my attitude about how I have “not” been dealing with my emotional nature. It is time for me to grow the f#@k up!!!
Maria says: Hi Leo,
Your video couldn’t have come at a better moment. I guess it’s easy to follow a path of destructive behaviour when we feel pain.
This video really helped me to identify my egocentric behaviour and stay focused on what’s important and constructive in my life.
You may say things what we don’t always want to hear or admit to ourselves but at least you keep it real; you give us the insight to wake up and say, ‘time to wake up now, it’s time I dealt with this.
Many Thanks!
john says: Thank you Leo
The intelligent want self-control and mastery children want candy.
Peace…
Me says: Great video, like most of your videos
I like and things that one of your powerful points is that you speak simple and use very strong metaphors like the wire conductor.
Obviously this need so much mental work from you to come with such useful works which are changing so many humans life toward the better
Thank you so much for giving all this free for humanity
Reshma says: Hi Leo,
I am your follower and working towards making my life excellent!! You are my mentor. I enjoyed this video. My question is: I understand that I can feel the emotions without judging it and let it go but isn’t that all emotions lead to action? For eg. if my BF cheated on me, I am angry and betrayed, the consequences that I would like to throw his belongings, gifts, pictures anything that we did together. Even I would like to alarm the other girl that he did to me, he may do it to you or fight with other girl calling names. So you mean I should only observe the feelings and don’t react? Don’t do nothing? Then that anger is in me. I will never heal. Give me some insight here. Thank you!
Reshma
Hi Leo, I just finished watching your other video on mastering emotions, and I am somewhat confused because in that video you said to keep away from negative thoughts and in this one you said to not avoid it. I think I am missing something so do you think you can help me clarify this problem? BTW I am 15 and I want to say thank you for helping me with building a solid foundation
Leo Gura says: They are different methods. Experiment with them both to get a feel for how your emotions work. Don’t be ideological about it. A technique is just a technique.
Teagan says: Thank you for taking the time and effort to create these videos.
Your an inspiration
Mary says: Yes, I want to be a superconductors! Abandon the ego-based automatic response, abandon the hide, abandon the distraction, abandon the denial, abandon the fooling myself, open up and release and become vulnerable and don’t resist. Don’t hold back strong negative emotions. Don’t carry it around on your shoulder and in your mind and heart.
Today I felt a strong feeling of being hurt. I don’t want to talk or even being around with that person. I felt disgusted to be with that person near. I don’t want to talk to or no where near.
Relax
Let go
Mary says: After listening to this life changing video and combine with my own thinking and learning, facing today’s hurt right before the holiday, I will do this:
1. Be quiet and relaxed. Do not engage in the argument. Walk out if you can.
2. Tune in your body and felt the feeling. Don’t get even. Don’t run to other people you are not supposed to.
3. Remember your vision and purpose for life. This, the distraction and hurt feeling, is necessary for emotional maturity growth. Be grateful for the lesson.
Forgive. forgive myself and the person.
Whatever I do, don’t yell, don’t curse the most destructive hurtful judgement toward that person. It serves no one any good, especially adding disdain for yourself by that person. Don’t throw emotional adult trantrum. Instead, be alone and reflect positive thing this person has generously given you or showed you in the past.
Laziness, either verbal or thinking, cause misunderstanding and be proactive toward reconciliation.
My son said never get mad at fellow students….
Don’t swipe under the rug
Whatever it is, if fundamentally this person is good, let go, nobody is perfect.
Merry Christmas everyone
Neil says: That’s a good one. Raising the supercritical “no self” temp. haha It’s hard to relearn the operative practice of life, but that’s such a great analogy using superconductors to look at emotional baggage.
Obito says: thnkx Leo for such a wonderfull video.
how we are damaged when we resist our -ve emotions??
plz must reply
Aymen says: Hey Leo,
Don’t you think that a REALLY emotionally strong person can tend to be heartless or feelingless??? or at leat, that’s the way people will see him because he won’t react to anything
Thank you
Aymen says: at least, sorry
Neil says: That’s how it seems. Holding onto the burdens of others is just too much physically. It’s like the whole world preys on needyness! They find a weakness and exploit it. But it happens pretty much every time given enough patience to see it.
That was a big turnoff to the business arena for me. Everybody has a journey. But can we just do it “interdependent” style !!
Elisabeth says: Hi Leo, thank you for the video.
I face this problem, that when getting fully into my negative emotions, I often end up feeling just numb afterwards (tired, depressed, out of my mind, unable to focus), for hours and days, which seems too long. I suppose this is a kind of resistance, but I do not know how to avoid it. Any ideas, anyone?
Thank you, Elisabeth
Val says: Leo,
This is your best video since my point of view. Is really compelling about the nature of our fears and masks. I was really looking for this kind of road map to help me to deal with a number of emotions that I had suppress for years, but recently come out as an emotional tsunami. It was really hard cause I’m really mental and analytical, but I have realized that I’m not complete, not going to be emotionally mature until I can learn to surf that tsunami waves. Thanks for an awesome video!!
Gayatri says: Hi Leo,
It’s been a few days that I’ve started watching your videos; honestly, it is a turning point of my life that I realised only after watching the videos…
It has so happened in most of the times; you say exactly what I think while watching the video and following the activity that you specify….
Its become so imperative for me to watch and look forward to the new “hows” of doing things….as I feel lost without purpose…
I must also share that visiting a councillor hasn’t helped me in person as much as your guidance through this mode has….
Thankyou and respect to you
Thanks,
Gayatri
jack says: Dear Leo,
google
utube
really useful engine
you
get the c’s up!
thankyew
Daniel says: Damn dude you are a beast. Thank you. You absolutely changed my mood my perspective on emotions and gave me a brilliantly simple method to cope with emotions and events that happen to stur those emotions. I feel very liberated.
Thank you.
Jane says: MAN you are good! I really need your wisdom. What’s the bigger vision you have for people?
Jane says: Sorry Leo I’ve checked out the journey now. It looks great. I think I’ll come on board. You are REALLY good.
kyle says: i got really bad anxiety i cant breath most of the time buddy do u know anything about anxiety what it is really doctor puts me on meds that fuck up my head more i am looking for better way to deal with it this helped for about a sec once i came out of the sleep it hit my head right away is anxiety bad emotions or its different is it fear or what explain that u should do a video on that stuff for people i dont know what to do
Arun 
JD says: I don’t understand how not doing anything in response to an emotion like murderous bloody rage can be classified as “not resisting”. It seems to be the very definition of resisting. Not resisting would be actually following through on my impulse to, say, shove a knife into someone’s throat. I don’t fully want to do that, so I resist, and do nothing.
Leo Gura says: By acting out anger, you ignore its true message. Anger is actually an denial of hurt. To feel the hurt, you need to sit with the anger and realize, “Oh, I’m using anger as an escape from feeling hurt! Can I allow myself to actually stop resisting the hurt I truly feel?” And then you sit and soak in the hurt. Acting out anger is a resistance of hurt, which is the more genuine emotion you’re afraid to admit is there.
I’m not telling to resist anything. I’m suggesting you ALLOW and FEEL and whatever is truly there. As you do that, you will discover that what’s really there is much different than you first thought.
You need to use awareness to see through the self-deception.
Neila says: Hi, Leo,
I decided to write just out of curiousity. Recently I started reading “The Rightous Mind” (another book recomended by you, so I guess you are familiar with its content) and till the page I’m on (I haven’t finished the whole book yet) the focus is on the opposite theory – “emotions create reasons”. So watching this video, I’m a little confused…
I guess “The Rightous Mind” tries to make several points – 1) our thoughts aren’t the universal thruth, they are always subjective according to our symphaty, so we should be more open to the “universal truth” of the other people in our life; 2) every emotion is linked with a thought (but the thought is there to justify the emotion); 3) we can’t really change our symathies, therefore thoughts, but we can balance them through conversation/seeing more points.
And the current video says “work upon the type of your primal thoughts to outgrow negative emotions and their consequences” (and this is practically more appliable), but considering 2) – what is actually the process of emotions (because both theories sound legit) ? Or my confusion is due to that I don’t make difference between thoughts and reasons; Or the moral is that the right order of the emotion/thought process doesn’t matter, what is important are the iterations of it?
And according to the current video – what if we try to see the situation from a new (positive) point of view, but we are really stuck and can’t come up with anything good; For example, one of the video examples: we are angry at someone – ask ourselves “why am I angry?” – find that the reason is just “he is an asshole” – and now we get stuck: “what good thing there is in this situation???” (e.g. if we have no choice but to deal with this person every day, and he behaves mean every day (idk, let’s say he eats our lunch ) … we have no power over his actions, and we want to change our attitude because getting angry doesn’t help for sure … but the whole situation just feels like a horse being whipped (we are the horse… and the whip is just irritating and always there)… and we really are unable to see something good); Are there any practices for seeing more point of views, and especially good ones (because most of the people are masters at seeing the bad, advices are rearly needed there ) ?
P.S: Lemons could be yellow, or green when they are unripe… it’s a tricky question for bot filtering; And I received a hint for “Invalid Message: Special Characters Not Allowed”, but I have no idea which characters are special and which are not… it was a game of try to guess
Neila says: Oops, sorry. This comment was for “How To Master Your Emotions” (my browser redirected me here on the Nth guess of the right punctuation and I didn’t notice I commented in another video). However, the above thoughts still occupy me: )
Leo, thank you. I am deeply inspired by what you are sharing here. I’ve done a lot of work over the years and have been plagued by these elements in my life where I continue to resist negative emotions.
I find your videos inspiring, straight forward and refreshing.
I noticed how at first I was making judgments about your appearance ( surprise) as I was watching the video where you were talking about how not to care about what people think of you.
I loved that this was more about me then about you.
Then as I realised how much you are giving away for free with all your videos, I noticed how awesome it is to grow with your sharings.
I am so grateful for your work and having the opportunity to deepen in my journey to take full responsibility for my life and grow.
I have been struggling I guess with massive self doubt and self worth. I notice how much energy I give to what others think about me and then how addictive it can be to chase the feelings associated with that.
Then to spiral into a whole field of negative emotions after addictive patterns come in which were designed to avoid what I was feeling in the first place.
So I truly thank you for your work and how much you have grown, it gives me and others clearly a chance to grow also.
I am loving the results of this work and it inspires me to share more of what I am doing and not be concerned about the people that don’t like me for me being me.
Thank you so much Leo, rock on brother!
Leo, thank you so much for this video. You helped me to cover my emotions related to my childhood abuse since I am 15. Thanks again.
Vero says: So helpful and inspiring again. Thanks so much! Greetings from Germany
Joschua says: What if your ego likes feeling strong emotions because it knows everybody else is running from them so as a way to make yourself stand out and feel special it makes you feel and be the only one to get emotional
Maxiwrong says: I tried your technique for ridding myself of negative feelings and it does work. My feelings go already, especially when I’m mad/annoyed at people, I tried this and I felt better.