How You Lie
By Leo Gura - December 14, 2015 | 81 Comments
All your dirty, sneaky lies and manipulations exposed!
Hi Leo great vid one of the best yet. Thanks for all you do
Every single word was tru. As u said we lie even we are aware of this lie. Great Leo Thank u for this fantastic video.
Great video Leo. I’ve been purposefully lying less the last years in order to help heal myself. It’s amazing how many levels of lying exist around us and by our own doing and becoming mindful about how I really feel and what I really think is so important for a healthier and happier life. In my relationship(s), at work, when I’m alone. Wherever really.
I also find that I have to keep doing reminding myself about this on a daily basis. It’s easy to fall in the trap of ‘that’s covered now’. Your videos help me alot to shake me up when I need it.
Thanks
So glad “I” found “you”!
This was an awesome video…now I don’t feel bad when I tell people to Fuck off…………………
Another solid video, Leo. I’ve been watching your stuff for over a year and the content is going deeper, Your message is consistent and the quality is A+. Its amazing how infomative the videos are! i have to list a few times and STILL find bits of helpful knowledge. Thanks
Is writing a fiction novel lying? Or creating surreal art?
I am really fascinated with the content of your latest videos, I think these staff were really missing from the self-help industry. By watching even you becoming better and better throughout your videos, is a strong motivation by itself to keep us working on ourselves. Thank you!
I lived in Soviet Union for 40 years and if you didn’t learn to lie properly you go to jail or mental hospital. I’m terrified of thought that I could tell truth all the time or even most of the time.
That would not be considered a “lie” but a mean to survive….( talking about USSR)
Leo,
In general, I am sure people for the most part are aware of the deceptions in their life which they themselves create. That is, if they are in their right mind. It would be quite hard for them not to. But, it would be wrong for me to say that all the deceptions should be eliminated in their entirety. Our egos are as you know what fuel our lives to stay living; without which we would give up and commit suicide. I understand fully what you are saying and you are right to a degree. We should take note of those deceptions we create that are unnecessary at least. We need to first realize what deceptions are necessary from those which are not. Remember as you said yourself that we are hard wired to do these things, so it would be just as hard to stop them as they are to do them. I think trying to stop them would also bring stress and consternation into our life. I enjoyed the talk nonetheless and thank you for being so frank.
Hi Leo, I feel a knot in my stomach. It makes me feel afraid and also excited to see what will happen. I already spotted a few areas and it makes me feel sick to have to tell what I’m feeling, will do it anyway, in the coming days. I do hope that it will become easier when practiced, or is that my self image that don’t want to get chattered? Haha
Anyway, thank you very much for being so thoroughly and for sharing these video’s.
Mendy
I LOVE this video !
Excellent video Leo. Sometimes I almost find it therapeutic to tell the painful truth to people. I think people know deep down that you’re lying if you don’t because they know the truth and they’re looking for validation. They may get pissed off, but in the end may be glad you told the truth. For myself personally I would rather people be straight forward with me rather than sugar coat the truth.
At the end of the video you mentioned the depth of the material that you cover and how it may alienate some people because of it. This is the reason I keep coming back here. The more I have to think, the more “ah ha” moments I have reflecting on my own experiences the better. The more in depth the topic, the better. Keep it up, and thanks.
Leo,
One of your recommended books is “How to Make Friends and Influence Others.”
How can someone follow the advice of that book, AND this video? They contradict each other. Unless I am taking what you say too literally.
“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
Niels Bohr
Hey Leo,
Ur so awesome!!
It is very clear that you have studied thoroughly. I love your content. I love that you are liberating themselves from their mind. The realization of no self. The constant focus of being in the present. Not connecting with mind.
Letting go. Being free. I’d love to go hiking with you dude and pick your brain. You are gold.
Good Fortune to you My Friend,
Jecht Spencer
Leo, your forthright clarity is so illuminatingly honest that it brings me to spontaneous laughter! I loved the scenarios of people saying their real thoughts. Great stuff. Have really enjoyed all the videos I’ve seen, highlights have been your Actualized Self Vision and your video on Sex for Women, which was truly spot on, even taught me a lot as a woman! Thanks for your excavations! Good you seem to have a light.
Hey Leo
The most astonishing take-away from this video for me wasn’t the fact that we lie all night & day, mostly to ourselves, but the connection you make between them and the self-image in terms of personal integrity. This was an eye-opener.
Since I am currently involved in pick-up, I wonder whether you would call pick-up-techniques lies. In fact I feel that I learn more about myself in applying those, because I break through my limiting beliefs, past conditioning and personal insecurities. In a sense this is the “fake it til you make it”-concept. Is that a lie?
Lastly: I never saw you smile that warm-hearted before as at 33:46 as you mimiced a woman who lied about her sex-life. It made me smile genuinely with you
Regards
Arnie
Whenever I watch your videos I don’t really like to think about other people watching this stuff. Also the reason why I comment is just to look cool and smart.(Just spilling the beans out)
If someone speaks truth just to seek validation, then doesn’t this kind of person gotta lie to escape the self agenda prison?
Hey Leo,
Probably in this video “list of lies” should be said before “list of problems created by self agenda”, because some of the problems created by self concept were confusing & doubtable one to track down to ‘Our Lies’. Mhmmm… anyway solution this one topic is quiet challenging. And as usual thank you so much for this wonderful message to communicated.
Leo you are a great piece of awareness or whatever we turn out to be, I’m fucking brainwashing myself with all your content. My old I-pod has finally found it’s purpose.
keep rocking!
Great video Leo…..
I feel like I am more brutally honest than most people and
sometimes that gets me in hot water but It does reduce stress
the more honest you are in life.. good or bad…
Leo,
I learned a long time ago to be brutally honest with yourself, and to be tactfully honest with others. I think it’s important to be respectful of other people’s emotions. To be brutally honest with others could be hurtful and I’m not going to do that if I don’t have to. And I don’t mean being brutal with the honesty, I mean cutting away all the crap that isn’t true. To tell someone you cheated on them is being honest; to tell them you also enjoyed it, that’s being hurtful.
Sean
I agree… you have to be careful with karma, if you are too honest with people and hurt a lot of feelings that energy will come back on you eventually and then you are in some shit… common sense needs to used and caution..
hey Todd, do not self-deceive yourself about Karma, Leo also talked about karma in one of his video, basically karma in more internal, belongs to your own “little universe”, that is not a punishment from so called “God” or any other Higher Power, I feel like we have to question time first, because if we are not sure about time, the law of Karma is very irrelevant.
Leo,
Last year your videos on meditation made me reasess my faith(2015.)
This year,(2016), your video on lying, made me change my condition to a “no bullshit” truthful condition.
I expect things will only get better.
Rod
Saying there is no absolute truth = absolute truth by you
Is this correct?
Can I request you for something?
Could you make an episode about struggles and pressures in life and how one should go about being effective in the most dire of stresses and circumstances?
It’s so pathetic I need to ask for this one but I have truly forgotten this. Could you also make an episode or series of episodes on how to have fun in this one single life and how to relax? I know you stress on contribution and impact and eudaemonia relentlessly yet please consider this.
What is truth?
What if enlightenment is just a concept too, invented by humans which keeps us from mental suffering? How the hell do they know that its the ultimate truth?
Absolutely everything is a concept/belief, until acknowledged through empirical investigation/experience. Everything that is not “YOU” is a lie, basically. But then we have to go deeper and even jeopardize that “I” because it is also a lie.
Sorry Leo, for using your space here.
Fuck Leo!
My EGO is bleeding. And I’m not lying. Or am I?
Your inspirations kick my ass.
Your work is so amazing. This is so powerful.
Thanks!
Hi Leo,
Great video, you seem to have taken an other step towards waking people up! Still, I wonder about the idea of becoming totally honest. It can easily be another Ego-trap. I think about our “irreducible element of rascality” which, according to Alan Watts, we should accept in order to be whole and true to ourselves.
Do you agree with that?
With my warmest regards from Switzerland,
Pierre
I am a liar
love it! made me life – bottom line admission – half the battle for me – thank you
Hey Leo! It’s been a while since we did our coaching, but I’ve still been following you and am currently taking your life purpose course. I was floating yesterday in the sensory deprivation tank and this thought came to me to share with you. Have you ever thought about an Actualized community? Like something as simple as a Facebook group of people who follow and believe in your material. Basically it could be a way to connect with like-minded people in different areas and make new friends who take self-actualization seriously. What do you think about that? Have you tried that before?
I wanted to thank you Leo for this amazing video it really does help when u put something in your wrist to remind yourself to be truthful. One problem in my experience i found myself running into and would like to report in case other ppl go thru it is that i took it to the extreme. sometimes i would find myself questioning even the little things i would say and asking myself constantly if i was lying or not. I noticed that by doing this i was causing a lot of anxiety to myself. What helped me is study again the Buddha’s middle way. Only what is in my present experience is what i should be concerned with. if i don’t catch my own lie in the moment fuck it is ok. I still sometimes find myself unconsciously going thru the thoughts but when i notice i just laugh to myself and let it go. knowing that this is a process and that its almost impossible for me to jump over an abyss in one leap. Instead am going to jump from stone to stone until i get to the other side. Thank you for the video again Leo i will definitely continue to put it into practice.
Yes that’s the gist of this teaching, I’m not some ogre just there to plant an evil seed, but I suppose that’s Leo Gura’s definition of my lies, planting any seed was what I always did since my psychopathic teens, worried that I’m not getting enough lovey dovey from my girls over there in high school, you know what I mean. I was a worried, nervous, teen over getting a hard time, it’s called acting like me is evil, but if I change such thinking from now on this sexual tension is good and it’s not gross, it’s not bad, and I owe the police a crimeless life, that’s why my life is shitty. It’s not just the sex that worried me, what worried me is that my optimism wasn’t true, what worried me is high school giving me a hard time. That’s why I lie as you can see, I’m denying that people think I’m bad and in all niceness they tried to tell me I’m evil, I should’ve listened, Australia’s taking me for granted and ordinary people are making my life difficult. I’m saying right now reality’s very negative, no one gets from me any positive good out of me, no wonder it’s humiliating, the lies cover up the hate of me from mankind of me just floating around, eating morsels and sleeping, that’s all I do, I don’t remember being negative, evil or useless waste of space as mankind thinks I’m a waste of space, it’s not my friend’s fault he doesn’t like me.
Another great video Leo.
I truly look forward to hearing your messages.
Thank you for sharing your gift.
thanks for your spiritual talks… i wanna ask that how ‘moralizing and all d should be’ are lies?
i lie to ppl to make them feel happy… thought of keeping these lies hidden causes me anxiety. but what should i do in this situation??
Totally with you there.
I remember some time back hearing you say in one of your videos: “don’t bullshit yourself”, and that really stuck with me in my self actualisation journey.
Watching this video, I have realised that by not bullshitting myself, I haven’t bullshitted others either (because that would be bullshitting myself) and I can totally vouch for its benefits, possibly the key to personal freedom.
Admittedly I had an easier start than most (single, no kids, family living in a different country, very little, if any, friends, a job I love where I can be honest), some (most?) people will have a hard time admitting to themselves what you say is true because of the upheaval being honest would cause in their “pay- off” lives. Still, I believe it is the only way to personal wellbeing.
Wonderful, wonderful video. No words!
But instead of going to your boss and saying that you fucking hate him (due to your mindfulness and the desire to be honest) what if you made yourself change perspective and not hate your boss anymore? Wouldn’t it make you feel much better to actually not hate the person anymore than to walk up to him and say that you want him to die? It could apply to most situations I think. you just change your way of thinking. But I mean really work on it and HONESTLY change it. Isn’t it a much better alternative?
wouldn’t a person get a sense of enlightenment when the self dissolves, and there is no self once that entity is gone.
Lying could be used at the service of truth, like a lot of art does.
It could also be used at the service of more lies, like we all so well know and have witnessed, experienced and done, throughout personal and collective history.
Truth can also be used at the service of lies.
Layer stripping, there is no real “I” lying.
Ultimately, the first lie is the “I” so anything stemming from it, is a lie.
Creation and art are, ultimately, lies.
What matters is how they serve you and others around you.
How do you like this lie?
Well Leo, bloody hell u have done it again with another awesome video. I find myself lying all the time, bit of a shock really I have also noticed that when I summed up the courage to tell the truth life took at turn for the better. Nice one Leo. Btw I love the deepness of the videos keep going there please
hey
I have a question. You said we tell these lies to preserve our self image. what if a person has a negative self image of himself/herself? then do the things like Im not good enough, all bad things happen only to me etc are also lies we tell ourselves to maintain our view of our self? Ive noticed myself getting caught up in my thoughts. I feel like Im lying to myself and Im utterly confused about what is true. My mind throws contradicting thoughts and I dont know what is true ? How do I know what is true? Please respond. Thank you
Another great video Leo. I like the way you don’t pull any punches! I did a lecture series on integrity that covered all this but it is good to be reminded of it and shaken out of what I would have previously called my comfort zone, which is actually my un-comfort zone !
Thanks again!
Dear Leo,I basically fell over one of your videos not ling ago.. and my first impression wasn’t good.You seemed altogether much too smug and “Mr.KnowItAll”to attract me as a teacher…my bad,I am pleased to say.I compleatly agree with everything that you have enspoused so far.I just am hoping that I am personally strong enough to stay the course.I look foreward with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
Thankyou,
Valerie Angell
great video. God bless you
Great video. God bless you Leo
Wow Leo. What a way to wake up. Fuck. I’ve watched almost half of your videos but this one really hit a nerve in me to the point where I’m disgusted in myself. I lie all the time. And I realised that’s how I grew up in my family. Lying was necessary to save face, to not hurt others, to keep the status quo. I was taught to hide the truth. No one wants to here that. It might disappoint them or make them angry. So I had to hide my feelings and thoughts as a child. I became a master at deception while dying inside with bulimia and depression. You’re right. I’m now in my 40s, still depressed with high anxiety, hating my life and ruining my marriage and family life and feeling as though I have no confidence, self esteem or purpose while blaming others. My whole life feels like a total mess made of bullshit lies and intricate manipulations, all for the purpose of being safe and loved and accepted. Shit.
I’m so afraid of being honest now. Where do I even begin? And even though I’m hurting myself and others, I don’t want to cause more hurt to those I love by telling them the painful truth. It’s torturous to watch someone else suffering because of me – of what I’ve done or said. And admittedly, I’m ashamed and not ready for the consequences. How do I get out of this hell hole before I lose myself and those I love, without causing an emotional tsunami? Please.
Leo, your in-depth insights have changed my thinking and therefore my being. I am so grateful to you for providing me with the answers and tools I’ve longed for over the last two decades to understand my inner world and live a truly fulfilled life. Your dedication, clarity, honesty, humour and mastery are refreshingly inspirational. THANK. YOU. SO. MUCH. Dina x
Thank you, I now realize why I tried to kill myself at 15.
Great stuff Leo,
I have Asperger’s and always used to say exactly what I was thinking (I’m usually thinking about myself, what I’m interested in and what I want). This frequently caused offense to which my response was, ‘…..but they are your feelings…how have I hurt them?’. That was bludgeoned out of me pretty early and I tried to learn the mysterious art of ‘being normal’; I learned how to lie to myself and everyone around me because I thought I had to meet societal expectations. I ended up losing my sense of self, became a fake person and like your video talks about; I began to have all sorts of unhelpful behaviors; approval-seeking, anxiety, fear, addictions, victim-hood, depression etc. Have spent the last 2.5yrs stripping away many of those masks with a therapist, 12-step mentor and developing a special interest in self-development (happy to abstract from the realms of philosophy, psychology, spirituality or anything else that helps). The more I accept myself the way I am; the more masks fall off; the happier I get. Really appreciate your videos in helping with that journey – thanks.
I dont have the Words for it but, thank you Leo
What I’ve always known is the rebellion religious people had all throughout history and that got them in trouble, and a rebellious teacher is in denial of normal, conformist classrooms of another teacher, that’s what a school is, and I think the teacher’s very right with why he rebels, religion and even spirituality is nonconformist, there’s nothing normal left to believe but if you push for blowing smoke up their arse you’re going to get it. I’m not arguing with the teacher, it’s just that I don’t trust anyone, I think I’m trying not to project, trying to make sense of this nonsense that makes no sense. I don’t have evil intentions and I regret the negativity I had over the years learning very little, it’s not too late if you think about it, I think I should listen and I have my learning right here: it’s called using the crossword puzzle and sticking to an itinerary, my life was as simple as a proper teacher long before I learned from rebels like the priest, preacher and spiritual man, and bulldust from the Pope, it’s anti-intellectual, it denies the reality of what school is trying to tell you, that this is just reality, that we have a normal, outgoing, hectic lifestyle, that’s the thing, it’s teaching you conformity, it’s subtle, it’s not about how to learn, how to do things correctly, it’s about how to work, be a reliable well-oiled cog in a machine, and not nonconformist wisdom but their wisdom, it’s about everyday folk’s wisdom and not unusual discernment, people like the religious screw it up, that’s why you don’t know anything but that’s not your fault, I should know better than to contradict my teacher.
I tried the exercises, did those particular experiments, and what I found is my awareness expanding, this stuff doesn’t go away, I was already reaffirmed what the truth is when Leo woke me from my delusions, I know some of my activities aren’t true, but religiosity might lead to a lie, that is, for something so true, but religious people often are hypocritical, sleeping with liars is like sleeping with crocodiles, it’s ridiculous what horror can do, it might be a crocodile eating you even if you went there accidentally, well, people really need to think, surviving as a habitual liar is the silliest image people can put up for themselves, but with religious people, who aren’t lying, there’s no proof but they’re telling the truth, so help me, God, I will gain my victory through telling the truth.