How To Control Anger - Part 2
By Leo Gura - January 9, 2017 | 17 Comments
Understanding evil to death
kyle says: what is everything gets up mad u cant sit down and think about one thing at a time i do your stuff i am changing lost of stuff but i notice i cant get anywhere because i am mad i look at everything around me i feel mad but its the low type of anger then when something happens small thing i feel anger then when something big happens i go into rage but before i did this work i was in full rage all the time how would u go about this stuff if u do not know what u are angry about i sat down and all i came up with was 100 thing list and i find 3 things that i do not get angry about but i just feel angry i need to fix this problem its holding me back i made 4 changes to my self in the last 6 months but i know the main problem is my anger if i do not stop it i wont get anywhere what would u do
Alan says: Hey Kyle,
I was like you, I couldn’t even watch TV without a burning rage building up inside me, after some routine blood tests I was told I had an under active thyroid. The thyroid controls your hormone levels etc, plays a massive part in how you feel.
I was offered prescribed drugs but didn’t want to take them, instead I did some research and changed my diet, not drastically just cut down on sugar and processed foods, i also started taking liquid chlorophyll available from nature’s sunshine, it sounds nasty but it’s perfectly nature they used to put it in Toothpaste!.
Anyway liquid chlorophyll is great for regulating the thyroid and I feel much better now, couple that with a meditation habit the rest is history…
I’d love to hear how you get on….
Cheers Alan
Sevi says: Approaching to anger from an understanding point of view like this will also allow the other parties to see their hurtful actions quicker I believe, and also creates some space for them to reorganize the things in a better way. At the end of the day, anger is one of the best ingredients to build healthy boundaries which create respectful relationships.
Mosi says: I know why I am angry, with my father for all his abuses and lies, and to my mother for her incapacity to protect herself and me. One day I hear that the mothers love is the biggest one, no, I don’t think so, I think is that one that sons prove for their parents is really love because we grow up with all their problems, neurosis, etc., and the best thing is that we still have to be better and love them.
Emi says: Wonderful deep perspective and presentation on anger! Extremely helpful. I am very impressed with and grateful for the insights shared in this episode. Love your videos!
neil byrne says: hi
Lol says: Well, Hello.
Julie says: I lost my dad, my husband found someone else (I was in a dysfunctional relationship whereby he looked after me like a child) my mum had a brain haemorrhage, lost a lot of recall and subsequently died. I was on my own and had to deal with the funeral whilst my sister went on holiday knowing mum was going to die (yet she had been the favourite and mum never showed me love or respect). I lost my job of 35 years and was transferred to another company that didn’t want or need me. I supported my sister through a subsequent breakdown. This was all within a two year period from 2012.
I share this with you because it’s the background to my journey, I’ve had phobias and live with a choking phobia (PTS) everyday but I’ve not had any medication or major counselling. I was thrown a lifeline when I started watching your videos and I appreciate the time you take to let us have your perspectives on life.
I have been angry for the last year, related to the relationship with my boyfriend who doesn’t want to commit and it feels like he wants me one minute and then I feel he withdraws. I have had difficulty dealing with my emotions and subsequently have displayed some outrageous behaviour. Your video on anger has given me a starting point and, in my view, elaborates in a much more comprehensive way than the previous one, on how we can manage this feeling. Please share your further insight with us soon and thank you Leo!
Julie
Leo, where is the subtle difference between accepting everything ( because we understand wholistically) and not doing anything to try to change things for the better? Example: we ‘understand’ corruption , so we don’t get angry anylonger, and we are at peace. But corruption will still ruin our lives, relationships, and governments, if we don’t do anything . Or not?
Emi says: Desire to change something doesn’t require being angry. Just because you understand the situation better and you are no longer angry doesn’t mean you don’t care about it any more. You can be fueled by compassion and love and direct your energy towards your desired outcome such as coming up with strategies, educating others etc. instead of being angry at current or past causes.
Brett Miller says: Leo,
You killed it on this one. I needed it. Probably your best. Thank you thank you thank you.
My tender mind was frying in its own tears after just having returned from a spiritual retreat. The mind’s angry sensitive thorns were already sticking my wife and loves ones. Thank you again Leo! Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu, and email any time/and or Skype.
-Brett
Laura says: I have been watching a lot of your videos lately, and I keep noticing a theme with myself as I reflect. There are quite a few realizations I have come across with different topics that I have realized before, and its almost like I temporarily forget or let myself be distracted for so long with the issue and focused on the problem. I guess that’s where the hyper vigilance comes into play. I have to laugh at it and keep striving. Anyway, thank you for your hyper vigilance. Much love
Jlynn says: I’ve been angry for as long as I can remember. Sometimes more subtle than others. I’ve been an anger management class twice once when I was a juvenile and once when I was an adult. Over the years I realized it was fueled by my anxiety. Other videos here have helped me channel it so that I could better understand it. But unfortunately I’ve hit a rut and don’t know how to take it on. Two years ago I got an abusive relationship though, I haven’t told anybody everything though. This is actually the first time I’m saying the just of it all. Because I don’t feel anybody I know can help me, I tried counseling but if you speak of abuse they have to report it so I stopped talking. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been married for two years, I waited to have children until I was married. I was business owner, my husband thought it was a better idea if I stayed home with the children, I loved the idea. But I didn’t know what was to come. And I know most people will say it’s my fault if they only know half the story so I try to keep it hidden. He made it to where he told me if I work then I can pay all the bills, and signed a waiver for my children couldn’t be immunized, which means no public babysitting. I don’t have a college education and the most I’ve ever made out of job was $10 an hour. nowhere near enough to pay my bills. I’ve lost so much weight I’m down to a hundred pounds because he keeps and going out of the marriage and when I try to leave him he tells me Good Luck living on the street with your children. I was adopted and I don’t want this to happen to my kids too. So I Stay. And everyday I watch these videos hoping that ill reveal something to myself I didn’t know, or what to do to get out. He’s a business owner and makes good money, but he regulates everything I spend, to ensure I don’t have any extra to leave. And because of being adopted, I don’t have a real relatives that could help me. And other people who I did talk to a little bit about it say go to a homeless shelter or something like that, and I will never do that to my kids. They are happy here and i feel I would be selfish if I uproot their life, and I don’t honestly want to go back to that type of life or subject them to what I had to see. I feel so stuck, and then others say if he makes that good of money take him for child support, but the problem is he doesn’t claim it on taxes. So then they say turn him in, but then if I do that he’ll go to prison and I won’t have the money anyways. Sometimes I think I just dont want to live anymore, but then I remember if I go, there will be no one to take care of my babies who will love them like I do. My best friend is a therapist who knows a good bit about my situation but not everything because she lives a hundred miles away, told me that before she thought I was making excuses just not to leave, which is a understandable doubt considering what a lot of women do. But when she she came to visit me for a week, she actually heard him making those type of threats, and standing outside the bathroom when I would talk to her, and flattened my tires because he wanted to leave for two days. She cried when she left, she said I don’t want to leave you here.
Jonda says: You know what I don’t think it was a good idea that I left that comment, is there any way you could erase it? And this one too.?
mary says: Leo, you have good insights but perhaps if you want to sound more professional delete that foul language from your lectures … Its a big turn off
Anya I says: Hi Leo,
What about the subtle difference between setting up a boundary vs. partition?
In the past, I have not been able to get angry about situations that negatively affected me because I had a full understanding of that person or situation. To the point where a car almost hit me as I was crossing the street (I stopped it with my hand) but I just couldn’t get mad because deep down, I knew that this can totally happen in Los Angeles, with it’s crazy traffic and million things t pay attention to.
I had lived with a roommate whom I also couldn’t get mad at because I understood where the person was coming from, but everyone else who was close to me was mad at how I was affected by the situation.
I didn’t create boundaries in several situations because I just understood and couldn’t get mad at them. This has happened to me several times, and granted, it was during self-development work but not during meditation work. So, how does one create boundaries when they naturally have an understanding of the situation and can’t get angry?
sam says: Hi Leo, I have bin listing watching to your content on and of for years now.
And i agree with 99% of what you have to say and your views.
The only thing that i don’t agree with is the way you talk about rape.
Clearly you have no idea what your talking about.
Being a 42yr old guy , i still carry the scars of being raped as a young kid by an older man.
You saying something along the lines that i should try to understand the guy holistically i would come to realize the reasoning behind it..bla,bla..
i understand the need to come to sum kind of peace. There is nothing i can do to change the situation.. But i’m not going to forgive him no way in hell.
responsibility is something you cannot delegate or give to someone else.
ignorance is not an excuse.. we all know what the Germans said during the 2eww trials “Wir haben es nicht gewust” “We did not know it”..
We as humans all agree that avoiding your responsibility is not possible no matter what the argument.
Harming someone else is not ok no matter what the excuse.. i understand you’re not saying he should not be punished.
But still i think you have no place in discussing this at all.. Please stop telling me and other victims of this crime to try to understand the one committing the crime..
it’s really insulting and hurtful.